Schedule Now Let’s rethink what “chemistry” is in a relationship… But who do you want to try and build a life with? Likewise, a rakish, troubled bad-boy will light you on fire, in a way that the earnest CPA who cares enough to iron his shirt and show up on time won’t. When you’re dating a jerk, it can feel pretty thrilling… for a while.įor example, a mercurial, highly sexual, unpredictable woman will make your heart pound in a way that the loving, kind kindergarten teacher with a fondness for Dansko clogs will probably not. In fact, the exact opposite is often true: The people who are most likely to make you feel “chemistry” - an anxious churning in their presence, sleepless nights thinking of them, and feelings of euphoria when you’re around them - are often the ones who are the most emotionally (or literally) dangerous for you to get involved with.
And never believe that a “chemistry feeling” is a reliable source of information as to whether someone is going to be a good long-term partner for you. Never prioritize chemistry over character. So I tell my Jens and Johns exactly what I’ll share with you now: When I’m working as a dating coach, my number one priority is not just getting people dates, but helping them see the big picture - what a lifetime of love actually involves. I know what it takes to create a happy, healthy long-term relationship. However, in addition to helping people “find the one” as a dating coach, I’m also a marriage counselor. If there’s no chemistry in your relationship, there’s no future. In fact, I spend a lot of time working with my Denver dating coaching clients to help them up their own “chemistry quotient” in order to be more attractive to the kind of people they want to date. “He’s a nice guy, but there’s just no chemistry in my relationship.” When that’s missing, their relationship feels easy, reliable, and straightforward… and they assume that something must be wrong. They both want to feel the intense, obsessive, “I can’t live without you” craving of early-stage romantic love. I want to see what else is out there.”īoth Jen and John are making the common dating mistake that destroys potentially amazing relationships. He sighs, “I just kind of want more passion. John tells me about the woman he’s been dating for months.Jen tells me about a date, saying, “I was so excited about him – he’s perfect on paper.
And I have these types of conversations frequently: Because let’s face it, it’s not enough to be partnered with a kind, stable, thoughtful, attractive, interesting, and fun person, is it? No, mere decency, values, and character won’t cut it. And it’s true, the chemistry between two people is important, especially when you’re dating. You might be here because it feels like there is no chemistry in your relationship. Worried because there’s no chemistry in your relationship? Think again…
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